United States of lunatics
-        Abhijit Das Gupta
 
So every Hindu woman must have four children…  Sakshi Maharaj, the MP from Uttar Pradesh issues a hindu fatwa! I don’t dare to do even simple arithmetic. Wonder who can help us if that really happens. Are we a Nation of people united by a thread called Indian or a country of fragmented religious fundamentalists? Are we really becoming so weak so as to lean and depend on these fanatics whose claim to fame has been holding hands with an unseen God? This great politician has a rather impressive criminal record as well. Besides breaking Masjids, he has broken many families too. He was accused of murder, of rape and even spent some time glorifying the Tihar jail.  And he was ousted from his party once!
In harmony with this mentally ill person is another from Bengal. He is one step up. He wants women to become factories with as many as five children.
Why do people pay any heed to such irresponsible persons and their insane remarks? There is a saying that when you are at sea, you tend to hang on to a straw. These are straws that have long decomposed and do not have any buoyancy left. Or may be, they were born a little handicapped at a certain upper region of the human species.
Do these maniacs have enough hidden money to feed the hindu population bomb that will burst if ever this nightmare happens?  I can understand the kind of money these fake gurus make from the number of astrologers who hog television time. With dwindling confidence, ever decreasing income against high inflation, people are resorting to the healing suggestions with many coloured stones and various roots doing roaring business.  Add to it the palm readers who predict ‘bad times now’ but good days ahead – if only…As far as I know, the word Hindu came from Indus river. People who lived by the river were the Indus or Hindus. But the Indus is in Pakistan. Not in India. Even they now fear the pressure and intimidation that one has to endure to have more than one wife! It takes a lot of courage to have more than one.
And the Hindus believe in reincarnation. That means each dead will emerge in the form of four or five! Statistically, one brain will get divided into four or five parts. What would that mean? Let us ask a statistician.    Going by a recent film, if we need to dial God, dial straight. Not through an operator who, more often than not, connects you to a wrong number. Irrespective of the look, shape or size, all Gods of all religions preach peace.  How can you have any peace with quarrelling wives and four children creating a cacophony?   Even Valmiki ji in the Ramayana did not fail to foresee what happens to a king with discontented wives.We can bear them because we are hindus. Our socio-religious tradition says that you burn and break a pot and don’t look back. A living becomes a fading memory in a moment. That is the secret of our survival.  If we care to remember all the lunatics, or even give importance to such wild banters, we will ourselves land up in asylums.
      

A kali yuga business

A kali yuga business...          Abhijit Das Gupta

So a new deity is Nathuram.  Nathuram mandir will soon come up just like many mandirs that sprout up overnight opposite hospitals, to block new constructions and also to earn that extra penny. This Nathuram male God, unlike most of the Hindu Gods, has a pierced nose for a nose ring!

Godse was brought up in under a sheathe that hid his gender.  Ramchandra who later became Nathuram, was brought up as a girl, had his nose pierced. So he was the Ram with the nose pierced.  A dropout from school, he grew up with a flawed mixed character. His personality must have taken a beating when she became a he. His self protective mechanism possibly worked as a catalyst to make him sectarian.

His connections with some Hindu organizations at this point of mental change possibly influenced him into becoming a hard core imbalanced being. He started a news paper ‘Hindu Rashtra.’ Completely indoctrinated in Hindu fanaticism, the pro-violence traits in him were to become his defense. Offence is the best defense. There is the proverbial Bengali saying ‘the mother of the thief raises her voice most.’ And like fanatics of all religions, he too failed to see the strength in peace.

He failed to appreciate the power of Non violence and looked at it as a sign of unreasonable leanings and weakness. That the British succumbed to the Non violence was of no consequence to this young s/he.    

Now why the temple? Why not? Highway Baba Mandir, Boulder Baba mandir, Ghat devta, Truck Baba mandir – why not Nathuram Baba mandir? After all, it sounds better – doesn’t it? Look at the business prospects. The ghat baba gets ‘paid’ only when trucks get to the ghat roads.  The truck Baba is only to safe guard against trucks going turtle. I am not too aware of who all visits the boulder baba and why. But going by the mushrooming of round stones with garlands or calendar pictures in frames with tilaks, around street corners, the project plan is near perfect. Taking into account the number of murders every year and the rising trends of all kinds of crimes, there’ll be no dearth of devotees. But, but there is a problem. If the footfall increases, the police will erect another temple by its side. One will have to pay homage there too. Otherwise their close circuit cameras will certainly find it easy to spot the possible offenders. And then the ‘suddhikaran’ itself will become painfully expensive.

Legend has it that Isis, the ancient God of Egypt, who married her lord of the underworld brother, became a symbol of power. In fact, Isis means the throne! So in this Kali yuga, if Nathuram occupies the throne, why be shocked? Better accept it with grace to avoid the wrath.     

Proxy be or not to be

Proxy be or not to be…

Why does the New Year begin in the dark? It is another date, that begins, unlike the conventional Bengali new year, when the sun is still hours away.  A Pope in 1582 introduces it. It is a solar calendar that begins when the sun cannot be seen. The lunar calendar or the Hijri Qamari calendar is based on the lunar positions. The Chinese calendar begins on the first day of a month when an ‘astronomical’ new moon occurs in a particular time zone.  The hindu calendar, begins generally on the day after the full moon or the new moon. Others depend on the first sighting of a lunar crescent.  So, the new year sway, spin, prance and dance to music is essentially a western concept that we religiously follow.  And we celebrate before midnight, going into a crescendo at zero hour and then trailing on till the early hours. Who loves the night? The night prowlers.  And a few who can afford to or is forced to sleep in the day and exert themselves at night.  And of course our dear owl. One that safe guards our ‘Laxmi’ at night. I am not aware of many creatures that really appreciate the dark world. Except of course one particular cold night when the human species accelerate to a euphoric explosion.  And that night the very specials gather to listen to proxy music. Here, the music is a proxy for something that heightens the spirits.

Alison Steele, who came to be known as the ‘nightbird’ was the RJ of a FM station that introduced Rock music only at night. Dancing to music at home or listening to music in the car can be fun. But, being induced by virtual fake music is another. We know of MASH. There are the computer guys who cut and paste very short segments from popular tracks to create a mash… music of a different kind – not all legal.

And to make it all sound legal, only some specific company CDs get promoted on this special nite. The amount spent to stimulate the so called CDs often cross the annual budgets of music companies. We hear of CDs going out of market. The gramophone company even closed the Music World, a popular musical rendezvous on park street. Digital downloads are the in thing. But these ‘nites’ promote, often just one CD that the company has in its complete repertoire with about 12 to 14 tracks. These too are compilations and hardly original. 

Do music arrangers, singers and musicians and music directors run to these nites? No. They hardly do.  Who goes? The bold and the beautiful, the opulent and the rich. They hop, leap and jump and when the lights dim, a quick and not so quick kiss to the partner or more. All high in spirits.

The spirits flow endlessly supported by the CD companies. The fault-finder public performance and rights institutions also levitate in the sparkles and hang in the dreamy buoyancy.  

Just out of curiosity, I check the CD of what the 100 pipers offer. It does not offer the traditional pipes from Scotland. Or the tavern strains…

Wi' a hundred pipers, an' a', an' a', 
Wi' a hundred pipers, an' a', an' a', 
We'll up an' gie them a blaw, a blaw 
Wi' a hundred pipers, an' a', an' a'.

Then I search some popular on-line stores. The net has this for me:

‘The SEAGRAM'S 100 PIPERS - PURE MUSIC IS OUT OF STOCK.’

Only Amazon shows ‘one’ in stock. I placed an order. The mail, a couple of days later says Sorry, it is out of stock. Your money is being refunded.

So much so for the pipers!

Then it is the turn of Chivas Regal music CD. Going by the number of bare feet in a news paper, I thought this ought to be the groovy one. I again check the net. I must be completely out of tune with the present happenings. What I find goes above my head.

‘Chivas Regal 
A Journey To Music 
When You Know 
This compilation (P)(C) 2000 Minos-EMI S.A. 
07/2000 A special project by Minos-EMI S.A. 
Fabelsound 2000 
Not for sale 
Made in Greece’

Very well. Let me try another.

This time the Seagrams Royal Stag music CD.

Hmmm… I must be a fool. I just cannot break the jinx.It says “Royal Stag Mega Music (AUDIO-CD)

By Various 

R 399

R 347

[ R 52 Off ]

Out of Stock.

So much in demand indeed!

Am tired by now. Let me try the Black Dog sparkling water.

Ah!  Success at last.

Black Dog Sparkling Water 250 ml Can

Rs 30.00

Availability:

In Stock.

But this is also there:

Black Dog Sparkling Water! Pfffttt!

What does it mean?

There must be something wrong in me. In college life, I had friends giving proxy for me. In modern life, it is known as the surrogate. If these so called surrogates can hog so much space on newspapers, why not the real one? Paid news or unpaid! Who are we protecting?

My friend’s son loves McDonalds. The yellow and red somehow acts like a great pull. Everytime he passes one, he would insist the car to stop. Until the day he saw McDowell Mohun Bagan. ‘Not only the colours are wrong, even the spelling is wrong! Must tell the school teacher.’

His father, has a red plastic card on his laptop bag. It is the Kingfisher frequent flier tag. When he tries to remove it, the son protests. Why are you against a bird? My friend tells him that the Kingfisher has stopped flying. He remembers that and then sees Kingfisher East Bengal. Lo and behold what he says. ‘Papa, the flying bird’s obituary program is on’.

 Well, am too old to understand.  Hmmm.